ever since i can remember, i’ve struggled with worrying. like debilitating worries. 

always about my family. something happening. someone dying. car accident. gunman. you name it. 

like my first sleepover, when i was playing barbies and burst out crying because i was afraid something happened. rachel’s parents had to take me home. did i mention they were my neighbors? a whole ten steps later, and i saw firsthand just how fine they were.

or church camp in the 7th grade when i needed special phone privileges so i could make sure my parents were okay once a day. every day. every call. they were fine. 

i went to college, and i was fine. 4 years 400 miles away and i was fine. 

now i’m home for the summer and about to get married, and i’m not fine. 

God is not a God of fear. Why can’t I understand that?

i can’t even believe it. sometimes it still feels like i spent yesterday at longwood gardens with stephen and have only been engaged for hours. but that’s not the case anymore. 

tuesday i leave for philadelphia. for the weddings of two of my very best friends. (and i also get to see stephen for the first time in 2 months.) - i’m pretty excited. 

but at the same time, it’s a rude awakening. the three of us planned our weddings together. and in 2 weeks, i’ll be the only wedding left. weird. 

even though wedding planning is 100% my dream, my motto’s always been “we have time.”

my indecisiveness has gotten the best of me. there is SO much i want to do, i can’t decide. and now i have to. normally, i love choices, but now the words, “anything you want” send me into a panic. 

also, have i mentioned just how difficult it is to plan a wedding when the one you’re supposed to be planning with is 400 miles away? No? well it is. 

today i’m designing my invitations with my brother at A Fine Press. I’m SUPER excited. 

but i’m realizing that as soon as I get back (in 3 measly weeks) it’s go time. 

so. much. to. do. 

but i’m enjoying every last bit of it. 

as i’m thinking about songs to play at my wedding reception, and realizing that i don’t listen to anything danceable, (except the occasional carly rae) i can’t help but think of my first summer camp dance, when i timidly approached the dj and asked him to play me the sweet stylings of hanson causing him to laugh in my face.

this is my life.

say hello to the gorgeous Sarah & Dustin.